Hiding out

I am hiding.
It's true.

I said to my daughter and husband 20 minutes ago
'You go, I'll be down in a minute!'
I lied.
Bather-clad, they took their towels and trotted down to my brother's pool to swim with the cousins.

So here I am, a grown woman, hiding from my children in my nephew's bedroom, listening to the splashes and calls of children at play in a pool without me.

I tried to legitimize my hidings by googling, healthy lunch box ideas - see its really for them that I have retreated?
But screw that, I need alone time and quiet.

For me.

Have been reading about mother's guilt and it grates on my nerves.
Never was there a bigger waste of emotion than mother's guilt.
We do want we want, need, have to do. And if you don't like the way its going then change what you can. .
Our kids are ok.
Childhood/motherhood was never perfect.
How could we have idealized it so inappropriately to all of our detriment?

I'm taking five more minutes, before jumping in the pool.
In my experience, it pays to give yourself time out, before jumping in to the thick of it.