Sunday, July 05, 2009

She's alright ..

This is a true story, at least as I remember it. It's a story I have often told after a few sherberts at a dinner party and the like, so I thought, what the hell, I'll share it with you. It may amuse.

The following details a conversation witnessed by me, the man who is now my husband (who can bear witness to the truth of the tale) and a few of my political science/women's studies student mates, in a cold, old uni share house in Battery Point, Hobart in the mid 90's.

The conversation occurred between Protagonist A and B, lets call them Cags and Donny-  two laconic, slow-talkin' rural boys from the midlands of Tasmania, complete with navy jumpers, chambray shirts with the collars turned up, jeans (one of the boys is inexplicably wearing a pair of women's 501's) and R.M. Williams boots. Both boys are freshly returned from separate trips abroad. You know the sort of thing - the young person's 'rites of passage' style journey through Europe and the USA - complete with Kontiki tours and the like.  

This conversation was the mutual summing up of the cultural journey and personal growth they experienced on their trip. Warning: It does contain swearing, and please be aware that the views expressed below are those of the protagonists and certainly not those of the blog author. 

Cags - Did you go to America? 
Donny - Yep.

Cags - Did you go to Universal Studios?
Donny - Yep ... ( long pause) 


It was fucked.


Cags -  Naaah, I loiked it.
Donny  - Naaah, it was fucked.
Cags - Naah I loiked it. 
Donny - Naah, it was fucked.
Cags - Yeah, it was fucked ...

(pause)

but I loiked it.

 (They pause to regroup.) 


Cags - Did you go to Europe?
Donny - Yeah. It was fucked. (He scoffs and goes on) If you wanna go somewhere f'ken borin', go to the Louvre.

Cags - What about Paris? Did you loike Paris?
Donny - Paris smells like human piss. Actually, the whole of Europe smells like human piss.
(long pause

Except Greece  ... she's alright Greece.

5 comments:

Tania said...

OK, now if I get too evil I'm just going to leave it half written...

My brother and sister in law went to Bali for their honeymoon about a kazillion years ago. They'd been together since they were TWELVE but were married at twenty (what else can you do after so long?). Anyhoo, they didn't like the tucker, so ate at McDonald's every meal of every day. Then they saw a large spider in Macca's, so they came home.

Believe it or not, I was relatively well behaved just then.

Loz and Dinny said...

This is brilliant. Piss funny - but not how Europe smells according to cags and donny - just ha ha. Aaah brilliant!

Black Eyed Susie said...

I think I might know those guys - or at least their clones.

Lulu said...

Hahaha, good one!

D said...

Those blokes 'd hate Japan. The place smells like warm vagina (it does).