Before

So, I've signed myself up for a bit of a physical readjustment/overhaul/revolution and start a 12 week Body transformation next Monday. Needless to say I am shitting myself.

The program requires focus, discipline, commitment and organisation in order to transcend to a higher physical level. So, I am wondering if you can buy those traits at the gym with your protein powder, because I don't have a clue where I left mine. Maybe under that pile of discarded soccer gear on the living room floor? Or the pile of bills, drawings and important school notices on the ... hang on, I just need to finish the washing up and did I just eat that last biscuit?

Hmmm...

The transformation plan has been motivated by the many reminders of mortality that I've experienced lately, and by turning 40. No one wants to be fat and 40. I want a nice, long, able-bodied life. And I certainly haven't gone through the joys motherhood to drop off the perch early or be too unfit to play with the grand kiddies when they eventually arrive, not if I can help it.

The only times I have ever really lost weight, as an adult, have been through the power of sheer, anxious and dedicated self-loathing. Starvation diets, no exercise and it was all about looking good. Like being thin is the best thing you can be and being fat is by far the worst. Ridiculous. Now that I have actually learned to like myself a bit, I thought it was a good time to love myself healthy instead. Ew, that sounds a bit untidy but you know what I mean.

Today is weigh in and measure day. Yipes! It is a sad moment when you realise you are a 'Before' photo. But the hope for a better 'After' is tantalising.

Now, I am off to unearth that focus and discipline ... It must be around here somewhere.