Prende Ta Doleur

I don't have much to say today. I love my friends. I love my family. My life is sweet and slow. I am in full winter hibernation. The island sun came out today after covering us with a grey mist, bleak and cold for days. My life is dull in many ways,its certainly not filled with travel, grown up inner city style, fashionable clothes or lots of lovely things. But I have these three really amazing Smithy boys that blow me away every day.

• The smallest Smith stood up by himself today.
• The middle-sized Smith decided that girls can't play with cars. And when berated by his women's-studies-style feminist mother for his appalling sexist attitude said " But Mum, sometimes girls just make me tired." Sounds like his father.
• The biggest Smith is snotty.

I am burning cds for a favourite friend, as I type. How very techno-whizzy of me. They are a far-too-belated gift for her 30th birthday and I hope she likes them. I wish I could give her something better - peace of mind, a bottle of fancy red wine and a packet of tim-tams, or a really beaufitul tea cup on a tray for her sole sipping pleasure. The intentions are grand but my means do not allow. Anyway, what greater gift than love, french film music ( it's frenchy, it's chic) and Kanye (she ain't messin' with no broke niggah)? I hope she loikes.

I do have something to talk about, something that is bothering me. I have a few friends, mostly women, who are high achievers in some area of their life - work, home, relationships, study, sport, craft, whatever and it sometimes makes me question my life so sweet and slow. I know I have been guilty of not putting enough pressure on myself, or giving myself enough credit to achieve big things. Now I see these people putting so much pressure on themsleves that their brains are short-circuiting and it worries me. I don't know where the balance lies, but I guess that is the point of life, to work it out.

One thing I do know is that we all are children, just like my baby, that I thought for at least one day, I was going to lose. Our existence is everything to the people who love us. We should all let ourselves feel like the most precious child in the world, just a little. It might help all that unnecessary crud that fills us up, fall away. I believe that in the end we are just spirit. Its the spirit we need to take care of.

Apologies if philosophical offends, but it does my spirit good.

Chillax Mamma!

Ok, ok! So I blew a fuse in last night's close-to-midnight ramblings. In the cold light of morning I realised that its only a small time management issue and that, I do know who Nicola Cerini is. Phew! I think I had a too-long-on-the island-and now-completely-out- of-touch-with-culture moment.

I have calmed since. I think I need a holiday. Not sure when that's going to happen , but if anyone else says Byron Bay to me, I am going to squeal. Hmmmm! Byron Bay - my dream holiday - two weeks of sun, surf, yoga and hippie food. Schweeeetah!

I decided to do something positive about my writing and rang the island's writer's centre. They are obviously very busy as I had to make an appointment to ring back in the morning. Hoping for tips on securing a literary agent. I love the word 'literary'. It makes me feel quite posh about my kiddie nonsense poems - the could become lit-er-at-ure. I like that idea.

I am very lucky. My friends and family are giving me loads of encouragement which I am soaking up like a sponge. I have never had friendships before that are so supportive - in words and actions. It is a wonderful thing.

It's grumpy hour here. And I must get back to it.

Crafty Bastards

Are you allowed to swear on your blog? If you don't like it then be warned.. the next few sentences may contain blasphemey and unpleasant language.

CHRIIIIIIST! There are some crafty bastards out there in the land of blog. Just spent a few moments clicking the links from the utterly crafty Aunty Cookie and was gobsmacked by the sheer level of craftiness going on.

F#@k!

While I should appreciate it and be inspired and bask in the beauty of the blogcraft glow, it just leaves me feeling like a craftless git. (Because as everyone who knows me knows, it IS all about me.) Where are my natty little name boxes for my little angel sons, or those groovy appliqued t-shirts that I just whipped up! Huh!!?? I'll tell you where they are, they are in the same place as the cowboy quilt for my J. and those books I am having published - they exist only in my goddamn imagination 'cos I don't have time to scratch my own arse let alone whip up something gorgeous or try and get a literary agent. Bloody hell.

I think I am having craft jealousy rage.

Even the craft discussion went over my head- living on the island leaves me sooooo way out of the loop- what bloody bird silhouettes? and who the hell if Nicola Cerini?

I really need to get off the island.