Prende Ta Doleur

I don't have much to say today. I love my friends. I love my family. My life is sweet and slow. I am in full winter hibernation. The island sun came out today after covering us with a grey mist, bleak and cold for days. My life is dull in many ways,its certainly not filled with travel, grown up inner city style, fashionable clothes or lots of lovely things. But I have these three really amazing Smithy boys that blow me away every day.

• The smallest Smith stood up by himself today.
• The middle-sized Smith decided that girls can't play with cars. And when berated by his women's-studies-style feminist mother for his appalling sexist attitude said " But Mum, sometimes girls just make me tired." Sounds like his father.
• The biggest Smith is snotty.

I am burning cds for a favourite friend, as I type. How very techno-whizzy of me. They are a far-too-belated gift for her 30th birthday and I hope she likes them. I wish I could give her something better - peace of mind, a bottle of fancy red wine and a packet of tim-tams, or a really beaufitul tea cup on a tray for her sole sipping pleasure. The intentions are grand but my means do not allow. Anyway, what greater gift than love, french film music ( it's frenchy, it's chic) and Kanye (she ain't messin' with no broke niggah)? I hope she loikes.

I do have something to talk about, something that is bothering me. I have a few friends, mostly women, who are high achievers in some area of their life - work, home, relationships, study, sport, craft, whatever and it sometimes makes me question my life so sweet and slow. I know I have been guilty of not putting enough pressure on myself, or giving myself enough credit to achieve big things. Now I see these people putting so much pressure on themsleves that their brains are short-circuiting and it worries me. I don't know where the balance lies, but I guess that is the point of life, to work it out.

One thing I do know is that we all are children, just like my baby, that I thought for at least one day, I was going to lose. Our existence is everything to the people who love us. We should all let ourselves feel like the most precious child in the world, just a little. It might help all that unnecessary crud that fills us up, fall away. I believe that in the end we are just spirit. Its the spirit we need to take care of.

Apologies if philosophical offends, but it does my spirit good.