Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Marriage

This is a bit topical for me, but, what the heck ....

I don't know about you, but I strongly believe that adults who love each other should have the right to formalize that love by getting hitched if they fancy it.

Anyone who enters marriage lightly is a fool. It's hard graft. Its constant negotiation, regular compromise, obligation and a little less freedom.

It can also be a heart and home and a commitment. A safe place, even your favourite place, if you have chosen a partner wisely.

I love being married. The formal commitment does make a difference to me. To any adults willing to make that solemn commitment I send nothing but support.

I am sure that there were those who looked askance at the luthier and me choosing each other 13 and a half years ago. In fact, when I told my Dad I was getting married he said "Who to?" and I'm sure he was not the only sceptic, but who were they to judge?

Who are any of us to say that we are more worthy of marriage than any other willing couple?

For any grown up who is prepared to take it on, against the odds, to commit and do the hard yards, I have nothing but love, support and admiration.


And that's my two cents worth.


8 comments:

Shannon said...

I, a dirty deaf to of 15 years, shall slink away very quietly....

Fer said...

Two cents well spent. :-)

Mrs Smith said...

Don't be a spaz Shazza, at least it's not illegal for you to marry if you wanted to. As if I care if you are married or not. But I would care if you wanted to marry and weren't allowed.

Mrs Smith said...

I can't believe you read that and thought I was being de facto-ist!

Louise Michie said...

I believe that a formalisation of marriage is not an available option to all in these social and economic times. Not everyone may marry, often due to social obligations. Not everyone marries the person of their own choosing. Arranged marriages are still happening in this country. Not everyone makes that perfect choice. Sometimes we love unwisely. Sometimes the person we love already has a prior commitment. Sometimes emotions and finances get in the way. Sometimes the other person is too ill or afraid to commit. Marriages that appear dysfunctional to others sometimes provide something invisible but useful to those on the inside. We already have serial polygamy, that is a sequence of marriages, and that has become acceptable socially.
My personal view is that we should work towards eliminating marriage from the legal structures. Without it we develop more definite perceptions of where we want to travel in Life and who we want to take with us.

chrisartist said...

I believe it's time to end marriage discrimination.
Anything less is homophobic - what else can it be?
When our atheist prime minister crosses the floor of parliament to vote against legalizing same sex marriage she is not using religion as her excuse- what then?

ally said...

As Penny Wong (eloquently)says...what do people have to fear from equality?

x

Tanya said...

Hmmm. But what about de facto bias. By the fact. By definition I am married. By that definition so are my gay friends who have been together forever. I still retain more legal rights of the union than my gay friends do. The issue is not the act of marriage and I am sad that it has been turned into a bit of an emotional love-struck circus. What gay people are really fighting for is equal recognition of the fact. The simple allowance by law for recognition as next of kin. Although times have progressed, if my friend's partner was on life support and allowed family visitors only, there are a lot of hospitals who "by right of their policy and discretion" could deny access of the partner and they could certainly disregard their wishes and accede to the parents wishes regarding life support decisions. If that partner died, the rights of the widowed spouse becomes very muddy. THIS is what the gay community is fighting for. The government is happy to recognise their union when it comes to centrelink payments or taxation but not when it comes to next of kin status. You can't have it both ways dear people. The standing in front of someone and formalising vows is just the warm fuzzy icing on the cake. It is about recognising people as every bit whole, sane and committed as anyone else, and responsible financially and emotionally. But I do agree that the legislation has to be perfect. It has to be careful. There are lots of ramifications. I would just like to see a bit of respect and equality. There are lots of parents who do not respect their children's choices and have been known to strip a grieving partner or leave them out in the cold of a hospital forecourt. The next tricky part is children and definitions of family and that is where legislation gets hard. Now I am going to get topical. Personally I don't believe in IVF. For anyone. I think there is a reason why people can't have children and I don't believe in tampering with the natural order of things. I certainly don't believe my tax dollars should subsidise same sex parents who by natural order are not able to procreate. Of course there will be those who will say that I don't believe gay people can be great parents but that would be twisting my words. Lest you think I am just talking about abstract and remote concepts about a couple of friends I also want to assure you that I have more than several gay and lesbian family members too. For their sake I am keen to formalise their net of kin rights and partnership rights. But believe me, I encounter attitude to my marital status too as a de facto. One woman actually asked me why I referred to my partner as my husband. I said "because he is! By the Fact" If we can't find equal respect for heterosexuals when on earth will we manage it for the gay and lesbian community.