Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Flasher

As you can see I have been on blog hiatus. I just haven't had anything much to say. Not in a bad way. Just in a bit of a blank brain kinda way.

Life has trucked on in a jolly, Smithy, summery way. Climate change is certainly working for us on the island, I can't remember such a long summer.

Today I started a writing a course. Its a scary step. From spending the money, to committing the time and doing the work just scares the shit out of me and it is the sort of thing I have previously found very easy to duck out of. I want it bad, but there are so, so many other things to do, priorities, etcetera, etcetera. This time the luthier looked at me and said quietly and firmly, as only the luthier can, "You should do this."  So even though my knees do knock and my collies wobble, I am supported and not ducking out. 

Do you find that? That its far easier to do jobs and commit to everyone else, than it is to commit to yourself? Doing things for the kids, or the luthier, or school, or whatever, certainly sits more easily in my chest than time and effort that is 'just for me'. Madness. I know that is madness, but it is true.  And in an effort to break the habit and move forward a little, I have started a writing course. 
"If you love it, do it", thats the sage advice I freely hand out, often unsolicited, to my kids and my friends. The time has come to take my own advice. 

Writing for me is vulnerability, an exposure. While the act is always preceded by excitement, high expectations and lusty anticipation, often the reality, in my eyes, has a rather disappointing, withered result - much like a flasher in a raincoat under a lamppost in the park.

My first post to the course forum just went up for feedback. Let's hope they are gentle with me. 




3 comments:

Sam said...

I couldn't agree with you more! It's the things I really love that scare the hell out of me and consequently stop me from pursuing them in case it doesn't workout.
Good on you for taking the plunge! :)

Flick said...

why is it so hard to do something for ourselves? is it because we are scared of failure? of being judged? you are right, it is much easier to look after everyone else. lovely post, flick x
ps: your flasher made me giggle!

Sarah Cox said...

Welcome back! I hear you so loudly - I am ALWAYS making time for everything and everyone except myself. I have stuff I want to do, want to focus on, but for some reason the barrier of fear freezes me and I choose to do something else in stead. Good luck for your new venture. Would love to know how it goes. xx