Sunday, August 20, 2006

Whirl

My head is in a whirl at the moment. Someone we know died and the shock and grief left behind has set my head and heart in a whirl.

Its strange how in times of stress my brain plays tricks on me. The critic residing in my head amps up and I can do nothing right. My life is all wrong and must be changed IMMEDIATELY. I have to do more, I have to be more Nuwanda. And you know what the most fucked up thing about this response to a situation, is that the real guts of the situation has nothing to do with me whatsoever. That's the stupid thing about anxiety. It makes things that have nothing to do with you, all about you. When you should be there for others you are turning in on yourself. How pathetic.


I have learned a lot in the past week. I've learned that pain is a process. That compassion for all is the key. That truly great people are in my midst and I shall not take them for granted.

I wish I had photos of all the people that I love so that I could put them on this site and whenever they were feeling unloved they would have written and visual proof to the contrary and would be filled with a warm and safe glow. I wish life were that simple.

3 comments:

Gillian said...

Darhlink you are doing it again! You are critiquing yourself for critiquing yourself. . .and in simplistic terms, the first critique of oneself is the possibly the productive one. The one where you've been rocked and you're responding to the wave as an intelligent person: taking that awful moment and going right, what can I learn about me in this moment? How can I use this awfulness toward positive momentum?

Sorry I sound like a friggn selfhelpbook. Sorry if I sounds righteous. . .I'm not condoning open slather self-bashin. . .just thinking that there's an energy burst here that can be utilised in a good way. . .esp. with the back up of knowing you're entirely loved by many many people inlcuding Me!!

daniela said...

hi youz Ladies of Cridge.
I agree with Gillian. First is a goodn.

mrs smith said...

When you ladies are right, you are soooo right.
I've moved passed the self-bashing and am moving into the thinking and planning how to use what I've learned stage.

You are wise.